Even though I feel like I'm giving up on a dream, the big picture is that my dream still can be alive. I would love to go to Villa and it has been my number one school choice but ever since I got the letter with the how much I will owe the school, I couldn't take it. Maybe it's my fault for not going with any scholorships and I feel horrible that I put myself in this situation. But, I feel like it's a learning expeirence. It's a way to keep me out of danger's way. How? Well, photography in itself won't get me anywhere. I will be a starving artist for years until maybe I can get notice if somebody stumbles across my web page. I applied to Buff State today, even though it's real late in the college applying I did it anyways. They have rolling admissions meaning I can get in. I am going to major in psych to do art thearpy and I'm going to see if I can double major in photography too. I could do so much with art thearpy. I'm not going to narrow it down in majoring in art thearpy. Just because Psych can do so much for me too. I could work in a mental hospital like I always wanted to. Try photography as a side job. Maybe I can get somewhere- make extra money. Be a photography teacher. But, I want to help people and with people being so fucked up these days I really wont be out of a job. I want to work with teenagers. But then again, I feel like I should expirence their problems to understand them. I had a very fair life with no complications really and I'm going to enter a realm of stories I can never imagine. I'm going to try to work in their footsteps. Try to understand and try to live their lifes. I'm reading Stranger than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk and he writes, "You can't write a story without expirencing what the character has." Like an author shoplift since her character was going to steal everything. Can't write about a serial killer without feeling the adrenline when you're about to end someones life. Can't write about being a drug addict if you never touched a drug in your life. I'm not going to go out and do drugs to understand a paitent. But through art, I'm going to teach them a lot. I hope they can like me and be better some day. I hope I can get accepted to Buff State to actually live this dream. I hope. I hope. I hope.
Manchester Orchestra tomorrow- really excited! Exciting to sing 100 dollars and Shake it out. I'm going to bring my camera along for the ride. I hope it survives.